Unicorns: Masculinity is not Misogyny

Men make up around 50% of the population and there is absolutely no way that we can change the structure of society and systematic inequalities unless we get them on board. It can be easier than we think however, because though men as a whole are benefitting from sexism they are also suffering from rigid gender roles. A large pillar of my beliefs is that promoting healthy masculinity and healthy men will get us closer to our goals. This post is acknowledging that there are unicorns, (men who value women, their leadership, their strength and who are secure in their own masculinity), out there and I want to celebrate them as much as I celebrate women in this space. 

My parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember which means that I was raised by two single parents. My dad taught me so much but most importantly he gave me, 1. A level of disgust for the ideas of “traditional families” or “real families” and told me to never let anyone discredit our family structure and 2. He always pointed out that single dads don’t get the resources or attention that they need. He never said that single mothers need less and he knows there are more single mothers than single fathers but he gave me a perspective on the idea that men need support too. My dad is the original unicorn in my mind, he believes and practices positive masculinity wholeheartedly and isn’t fettered by destructive gender norms.

I started a club in High School called Empowerment Club, I couldn’t call it Women Empowerment Club because that wouldn’t be fair to the male students, so I welcomed my doors to everyone and oftentimes I had more guys attending than girls. It never bugged me but I never thought it was a particularly good thing, until after our lunchtime meeting one day, one of my guy friends came up and told me that he had never thought about women’s experiences in that way and additionally he was going to apply some of the skills we covered in his life. We had been discussing negotiation and confrontation techniques as women and how it can be difficult because we are often too concerned about the other person to assert ourselves. He was a shy student and he said these tips would help him in the same way. 

I want to educate and uplift men in the same way as women. That’s not to say that I want to give them more power the way I want to give it to women, but I want to give men the freedom to understand and express their gender identity however they want. I also want to teach them that masculinity doesn’t have to be toxic and they can be emotionally supported and give emotional support. 

Before we tackle abuse and rape and violence from men, there are plenty of tiny things we can do, if you are raising a young boy, have a young boy in your life, or if you are a man yourself and you are looking for ways to close this gender differential here are my tiny tips:

1. Find a woman to look up to, a female role model, in sports, in business, whatever it may be. There are so many impressive women out there and just because they are a different gender doesn’t mean you can’t aspire to have similar qualities or meet similar goals. 

2. Find some “feminine” things that bring you joy (spoiler alert, a lot of things that you think are feminine aren’t or shouldn’t be labeled as such), like using lotion, wearing jewelry like rings or necklaces, being able to sew or finding time to cook or craft. 

3. Interact with women-dominated media, watch the movie Bridesmaids, simple as that, it’s just a romcom but it can give you a perspective you’ve never had. 

There is so much more that goes into promoting positive masculinity and supporting men emotionally and mentally but I think these efforts of bringing men and women closer together on the same side of the cause without fear of anyone being ostracized can help heal the whole world. I still have a deep fear and negative feelings towards men in general so in a way this post is to help me find hope and to try and pass on my thoughts to others. If I could live in a world with only women I would but these unicorns give me hope and soon I want to be surrounded by all unicorns.