Confidence = Practice + Authenticity

I am not a math person, by any means, it actually brings pain to my soul. But this equation is one that I can get behind. I’ve been trying to write a post about confidence for a while, I have a pile of drafts, but none of them felt quite finished, or worthy of the light of day. Then I hit upon this equation and confidence was finally something I could see clearly in its naked form. It’s elusive, confusing, and deeply desired by so many, so what is it, how do we get it, and how can we operationalize it? 

To start I want to share a quote from my new favorite academic heroes, Anne Morriss and Frances Frei from their podcast Fixable (which I have been listening to non-stop). Their episode called How to get your confidence back had a lot of influence on this post and I highly recommend giving it a listen. I’m also reading their book Unleashed, and I’m sure I will have lots to write about once I’m done with that as well. 

“Confidence is often a by-product from being trusted in a leadership role.” 

Mic drop from Anne.

The nuts and bolts: In order to achieve confidence, which Anne has just established isn’t necessarily all that, we need 2 things first, and the Confidence = Authenticity + Practice equation is based on that idea. 

You need trust and practice. One of the requirements for trust is authenticity. Authenticity means that you are allowing others to experience your whole and true self and how you are uniquely qualified and necessary in the room you are in. This is necessary because people are more willing to open up when they see you being honest, and it allows people to connect with you more. 

There are plenty of ways to start being more authentic, some more difficult and vulnerable than others, but I’ve picked a few that I use every day, in every situation, to show people who I am and why they should care. 

• Say what you are thinking

• Bring your authentic self into any room

• Be vulnerable, connect yourself to their needs, show how your needs are the same

Say what you are thinking: Not every thought you have needs to leave your mouth. I’ve learned that lesson plenty of times, but a big part of being authentic is to give your unique insight to the conversation, even if you think everyone has the same thought or that everyone else will disagree with you. I've found you make more friends than enemies when you say what you think.

Bring your authentic self into the room: I have a feeling you know deep down when you are being inauthentic. It might not be clear, or it might be, but I bet that you can tell when you are putting on an act. This is an understandable phenomenon but what we have to do is track down that authentic self. Where do you feel most comfortable? Most welcome? Most vibrant? It can be with friends, family, or even on stage with an audience. Once you find that version of you, make an effort to invite them into the rest of your life, find a token that reminds you of those spaces and either physically bring it with you to places you don’t feel confident or keep it in mind wherever you go. 

Be vulnerable: Of course, we would all be more vulnerable if we could, but if it was that easy, it would already be done! I’ve told myself lots of times to be more vulnerable and simply “open up,” but that's a monolith task. Instead, I find it easier to bring one bit in at a time, and often this is easiest in storytelling. When I open up to someone about my business and my aspirations, I always include an aside about my little sister and how she drives me to change the world. And when someone is telling me about their aspirations, I try and connect my experience as well and show them how invested I am in their goals and awesomeness. The more we share and show what we have in common, the stronger force we become. 

The second and equally important part of confidence is practice. Like Anne said, confidence is a byproduct of a lot of things, and one of them is practice. There is nothing that can substitute practice. This applies well in public speaking; knowing the material will allow you to pass it off simply and be able to recover from mistakes and slip-ups. But practice can give us confidence in all sorts of contexts. If you know how to do your job well, you feel more secure in your ability to deliver, and that self-belief transfers. With practice comes failure; the more you fail, the more your body and mind know that it can survive failure, that it won’t ruin you, and that you can learn and grow from every setback.  

I have a feeling confidence will still elude us in certain scenarios, but hopefully, with these applicable tips, we can show up authentically and with practice and, therefore, more confidently. 

🩷💛

Adela