Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a vital part of not only businesses but life in general. It affects how we communicate with and view others, and how we move through the world. Emotional intelligence, or EQ as it is commonly referred to as, is an individual's understanding of emotions, social interaction, empathy, and relationships. EQ in the business world is extremely important in stressful situations or when emotions are high. There are a few steps to having good relationship management, personally and professionally, and building EQ.

Self-awareness: As RuPaul says, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else," and how do you love someone that you do not know? Self-awareness means that you are giving ongoing attention to your internal states. How are you feeling? Why are you feeling that way? This must go past emotional states and moods, pay attention to other factors that might be affecting you, are you tired, cold, hungry, or worried about something? Take the time to ask yourself these questions, pay attention to where emotions are coming up in your body, and what actions can you take that make you feel better. Make space in your mind and body to feel your feelings, and don't try and rush them out or explain them away. Sometimes writing them down or talking about them after can help you express them, but it doesn't diminish the opportunity to feel them. Once you understand your feelings, to you can avoid triggers and situations that add or cause your distress. Not all such situations are avoidable, but it is completely worth it to make cuts so you may lead a calmer and more positive existence. When you bring this awareness into your relationships, you can bring peace to both sides of the street.

Self-management: Once we are tuned into our bodies and minds, we can pay attention to how we express our feelings, both on purpose and inadvertently. Self-management is the ability to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively. The same strategies for self-management don't work for everyone so don't be afraid to try out different things. I swear by taking deep breaths,, and slowing down my mind so that I can think straight while others like to get the emotions out of their bodies through movement. This second strategy must be used in a healthy way; yelling at people, saying mean things, and running away can sure move the cortisol around in your body, but they do not solve the problem. Instead, try and move your body intentionally, stretch, and shake around.

When you are initially learning how to manage your reactions, the first step is to remove yourself from the situation. When you are angry, it is much easier to make the situation worse. Understand that expressing anger in an unhealthy way is never helpful. When you are level-headed but still passionate, it is easier to make a change, never in the heat of the moment. You are feeling angry because something happened to you, you don't want to add anger to the world and make someone else feel the way that you do. Once you have cooled down and are ready to take action, ask yourself about all of the possibilities and perspectives that could be at play here. Could there be another reason for the situation other than the one you see? Keep in mind that no one will make a change if you are not respectful. I have fallen victim to the thought, "If I don't act now, I will lose my fire and won't be able to make a change," but it is not a good idea to have an important conversation when you are heated. Change the anger into passion and move forward with a clear goal and plan in mind.

Empathy: This is the connection between us and others that goes beyond simply interacting. Empathy is a form of connection that comes from deep within yourself. When you feel empathy for someone, you internalize their emotions and perspectives to understand their actions better. To be empathetic, you must pick up on the emotions and nonverbal cues of others. It can be helpful to use your imagination, take an interest in others and ask questions, set aside your prejudices and judgments, and simply be kind to everyone, because as much as you empathize, you will never know exactly how they feel and what they have been through. Empathy is also a pillar of trust. When others know that you have their interests at heart, they are more likely to trust you, which builds a stronger relationship.

Through these 3 steps, you can create strong relationships in the workplace and in your life. Understanding how you feel, how you are reacting, and how others feel will allow you to have open, honest communication, exchange ideas, and build trust.

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-- Adela